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‘Till death do us
part...’
A phrase
all too real for some
women who miss or
disregard the early
warning signs of an
abusive man
Each year between two
and four million women
in America become the
victim of non-fatal
domestic violence, while
eight million women are
believed to be currently
involved in emotionally
and physically abusive
relationships.
Statistically one in six
women will be raped in
her lifetime, with over
1 million women annually
reporting having been
raped by their current
or former male partner.
Young women, divorcees,
separated, single and
those with minimum
income are far more
likely to become
domestic assault victims,
while spousal assault is
twice as likely if your
boyfriend or husband is
unemployed. One in four
pregnant women are
assaulted by the father
of the child they are
carrying, four women are
killed every day in this
country by a current or
former intimate, and in
the one minute it took
you to read this
paragraph, seven women
were battered by their
“significant other.”
Your choice in
boyfriends, partners and
in a husband will, in
part, determine whether
you live a life of
personal satisfaction
and fulfillment or
experience years of
frustration and fear,
emotionally chained to
someone who abuses you
psychologically and
perhaps physically. Most
relationships begin with
an introduction. You
might first take
positive notice of the
other person, perhaps
identifying him as
someone you’d like to
get to know better. It’s
at this very moment that
you need to know the
early warning signs of
an abusive individual
and use these signs as a
kind of personal litmus
test as you perhaps
consider this person for
a long-term relationship.
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Clint Van Zandt
is a former FBI
agent,
behavioral
profiler and
hostage
negotiator as
well as a
television and
media analyst.
His DVD,
“Protecting
Children from
Predators,” can
be ordered free
from his Web
site,
www.LiveSecure.org.
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Knowing the
characteristics of such
a person can help you
avoid the emotional and
physical pain that
accompanies an abusive
relationship.
The United States
accounts for 32% of the
female population among
the 25 highest income
countries, but among
these nations, the U.S.
has 70% of all female
homicide victims and 84%
of all females killed by
a firearm. This same
study confirmed that
women are more likely to
be killed at home by
their spouse, ex-boyfriend,
or some other intimate,
while men are murdered
away from their home. In
the U.S., about two-thirds
of the husbands who kill
their wives have been
drinking, almost 25%
have been using drugs,
and 12% have a history
of mental Illness.
Although no one can
accurately predict which
man or husband will
murder his partner or
wife, there are signs,
characteristics and
indicators that should
not be overlooked. These
include:
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The
Characteristics
and Early
Warning Signs of
an Abusive
Spouse or
Partner
-
History of
abuse as a
child.
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History of
his/her
verbal or
physical
abuse of
parents,
family, and
friends and
even pets.
-
History of
acts of
vandalism or
other crimes,
especially
those of
violence
against
others.
-
Lack of a
positive
male role
model in the
home, or the
presence of
an abusive
male or
female
authority
figure in
the early or
formative
years.
-
Exhibits a
violent
temper along
with poor
conflict
resolution
skills.
-
Needs always
to be in
control of
situations
and those
closest to
him.
-
Is usually
jealous and
may spy on
friends and
family.
-
If male, he
views and
owns
pornographic
materials
and may
spend hours
on the
Internet
without
allowing you
to see what
he is into.
-
Abuses
alcohol or
exhibits
other kinds
of substance
abuse.
-
Has a very
low or
especially
high self-image;
if male, a
“macho” man,
possibly
connected to
his physical
stature, or
his
educational
or
professional
background
or
occupation,
or lack
thereof.
-
Is unable to
talk about
or discuss
his personal
feelings.
-
Insensitive
to the
feelings of
others – he
does not
feel your
pain.
-
Lies
frequently,
many times
for no
apparent
reason.
-
Cannot admit
to guilt
take
responsibility
in any
situation.
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Remember: Knowing these
early warning signs can
help you “self-screen or
screen out” those who
could be abusive in a
personal relationship.
Non-abusive individuals
may also exhibit some of
these characteristics at
various points in their
lives, but with less
frequency, severity, and
duration than the truly
abusive individual.
After vehicle accidents,
the #1 cause of death
for pregnant women is
murder by their unborn’s
father. Additionally, we
know that about 75% of
domestic homicides occur
during or around the
time of separation and
abandonment. No matter
what the media tells you,
very few people just “snap.”
Indicators of emotional
challenges that could
suggest a potentially
abusive individual are
usually present to some
degree, but are
intentionally overlooked,
foolishly disregarded,
or perhaps simply missed
by the victims of such
abuse. Women do not
enter into an intimate
relationship expecting
to be abused, but for
thousands of women on a
yearly basis, the one
they trust the most will
commit the ultimate act
of betrayal against them.
If you are considering a
new relationship, know
the early warning signs
of an abuser and avoid
him or her like the bird
flu. If you are already
in such a relationship,
or know someone who is,
seek help and assistance.
The abuse will not get
better by itself. It
will not go away, and it
may even kill you.
By Dr. Clinton R. Van
Zandt |
